Confidence starts with keeping the promises you make to yourself. This guide covers how willpower works, how to use it well, and how to quiet the thoughts that hold you back.
How willpower works
Willpower is limited, and it's what lets you follow through on promises to yourself. To build confidence, it helps to understand it. Kelly McGonigal's book "The Willpower Instinct" is a good place to start. She has a Ph.D. and teaches a willpower class at Stanford.
Willpower also works like a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger it gets. At first, building good habits and working toward goals takes extra effort. Over time, your whole self-concept can change.
Use your willpower when it's strongest
When do you have more willpower: tired, hungover, and hungry, or rested, fed, and motivated? The second, obviously. So schedule your day around your peak hours.
A morning routine is one way to do that. Meditation, exercise, cold showers, and outdoor walks all fit. Do your hardest tasks in the morning, when you're rested and undistracted.
Find your productive hours
Not everyone peaks in the morning. John Medina, a developmental molecular biologist and author of "Brain Rules," explains that some people are more productive at night. That goes against the popular idea that early risers do better.
To find your own pattern, keep a journal of when you work best, then put your important work in those hours.
Train your willpower
Training your willpower builds confidence, and it works like building a muscle. Start with small habits you can manage, then raise the difficulty. As you progress, your self-concept can shift, and your willpower improves in other parts of your life too.
Mood and attitude
Mark Muraven, a Ph.D. from Albany, found that people with an internal drive keep up their willpower for longer. Positive moods go along with higher willpower too.
Try building a proactive mindset each day. Motivational videos from people like David Goggins and Eric Thomas can help, and so can speeches from movies.
Cognitive behavioral exercises for confidence
CBT is a strong tool for confidence. Take apart limiting beliefs and strengthen the empowering ones. If you think "I will never make a lot of money," answer it with evidence: your past successes, what others have achieved, and your ability to learn from successful people.
Do these exercises regularly, and do them when you're calm. Over time your thinking moves toward more empowering beliefs and fewer limiting ones.
Your monkey mind
Your brain's main job is keeping you safe, and that often produces fearful, self-limiting thoughts. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a way to handle them.
Those thoughts aren't you. They're your brain trying to protect you. Label the thought, thank your brain for sharing, and move into action so you don't ruminate.
Take action
Avoiding situations because of limiting beliefs backfires. Push yourself into uncomfortable situations and use ACT techniques to deal with the beliefs that come up.
Confidence doesn't arrive overnight. It takes time and effort, and self-efficacy is where it starts. Keep promises to yourself, shift your mindset, and keep working on your willpower and self-belief.
Conclusion
Building confidence is a lifelong process. Understand how willpower works, find your productive hours, train your willpower, and watch your mood and attitude. Add cognitive and acceptance-based exercises, and keep pushing your limits.
You don't have to do it alone. Ask mentors or coaches for guidance when you need it, and don't let limiting beliefs hold you back. Confidence builds one step at a time.
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